Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
