I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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