am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
