She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize