A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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