After last night, I could never be a politician.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
