I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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