so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't turn off my feet"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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