I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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