I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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