he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
