On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
