Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
