just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I only lived at night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
