I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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