What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
