He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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