I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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