can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
