Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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