$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize