Ketchup is God's man juice
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
