he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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