im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
