when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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