He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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