how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
third nipple confirmed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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