I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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