Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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