He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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