White coat. Heels.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
