Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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