For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
