Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
