So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
