I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
