Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize