Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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