I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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