i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
