i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
