Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
