I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
