She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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