I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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