I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
