That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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