WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize