i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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