Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
