he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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