I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
