i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize