tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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