I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
