Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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