Soap is not a condiment
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
