Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am mentally ready for anal.
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