and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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