At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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