At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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