...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
