the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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