Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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