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Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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