no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
