i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
