Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
