I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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