He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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