After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
