If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize