ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
