Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
