i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
