after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
