I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
3pm strippers are depressing
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
