My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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