yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
