ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
