Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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