saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
