Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
