He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
