He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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