he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
