He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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