:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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