Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i think my cat just said my name.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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