All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize