I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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