Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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