a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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